kudos to my mamma ..........

every time you manage your time ……….
busy schedules and stand by me ……….
maybe you never get to see all my performances cause you are managing lot of other things then ……….
you help me dress ………. do my hair ……….
i know that’s tremendously tough job ……….
but you do it all so well !

i shout, get irritated, tensed, worried , nervous, mad all at the same time ……….
but you never stop praying for me! praying for my success where ever i go ……….
i know you are behind me praying always!

even if i don’t do well, you always tell me that i was the best amongst all ……….
i know mamma ………. that’s not true all the time
but you want me to believe and get going always!

i have lived on those theplas and golpapdis you specially prepare before my any performance ……….
so much so that i feel nervous when i don’t get to eat the same!

all my medals awards accomplishments you share so equally ……….
cause there wouldn’t be any if it was not you, behind me!

when you see my dance videos, you try and imitate my actions ……….
you look so so cute then ……….
one of those time when i feel you are my daughter!

i am just about to leave for another dance class ……….
and there you are telling our maid to make tea for me ……….
reminding me to eat my almonds ……….
before you leave for your so important work!

i know you will never read this unless i get you here and make you read ……….
my not so tech savvy mamma
you prove that there is not everything a machine can do ……….
can it design mother?!

you know something………. i never want you read this ……….
cause i want somebody else to read and bless me
to be your daughter always!

Maybe i will take many births to be your deserving daughter ……….
but i want to be one!
and i want to pray ………. to be the one!

when it rains..

5th June, 4pm: she was installing some software in her computer. Thinking about 5pm yoga class to attend, she was fixing things as fast as possible. It started pouring. not a havoc sight.. but still one of those first heavy rains of this season..
Oh no!! not now!! she mumbled, ran all over place to close windows. To avoid threatening rain inside house. She lives in two side open corner flat which is ideal to stay in other seasons but in monsoons…..… she kind of suffocate with the idea of keeping windows close :(It upsets her every time when it rains!! Oh, she knows we need rain and absolutely love, admire nature! She loves golden sun after heavy rains!!
Chat windows popup like never before, when people see her status ‘it’s raining with sad smiley’…. exactly opposite to their own happy status! There is something about rain which surely upsets her!
Leaving her work half the way, she got down thinking..
At least, watching rain through window this year is so different and beautiful than those maddening rainy days of site execution and meeting those unrealistic deadlines! Last year monsoon was soooooo busy. After half an hour of introspection and those memories..She felt lucky. sigh! that changed her dull mood into some energy!
she really wanted to know this time why people love when it rains.. why and how people find this rain so romantic??She immediately messaged few people. “It’s raining here! First rain of this season... Tell me your one memory which completes with rain”
To her shock some people replied...Of course with some fond memories!
so here I am ;) by this time you must have guessed it who she is :) sipping hot tea near my window………….watching the greenery outside and this gang of kids playing football in mud and rains at society lawn.. So happily so freely.. I am reading out these messages: I am sure you want to know!
Writing few here exactly the way they were sent. Just few modifications and editing the very personal matter..
Starting with my close friend who immediately called up almost shouting, “pritiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii I got a list! Will mail you!
I can’t explain worthy of this mail. Probably this is the only one which will help me shell out of my mental block when it rains. I would love this blog to end with her mail. Meanwhile lets read some other messages :) and in case if you want to add or share your memories with rain, I will be more than happy accepting those comments or go on editing this blog forever - priti

N: well every second day it rains here, honestly there are many memories from holiday in school due to rain to time spent at home with family. from lofergiri with friends to precious moments with ex love. Many to recount, all were fond memories, thanks for taking me to past and for luvly sms

A: bhai and me. On the terrace of our old building in borivli. Rushing to get drenched in the first shower of pure unadulterated rain. Cool wind. Sweet matti ki khushbu. Wow. I miss it all.

M: when I see rains, I have no memories… only pure internal bliss

K: nice smell of mud, clean -green lush trees, sipping hot choco milk & chatt patta pakodas, sharing same umbrella with hot chicks & eventually getting drenched 2gether ;)

R:My walk with my friend and my dad . . . . 10th std main.. urs?

S:my last year trip to goa was at the time when it just started raining while coming back. What a wonderful drive it was :)

P: many many wonderful memories… I can go forever…
1 – gorai beach rain with wind… with someone (obviously female;-) ) arm in arm sharing an umbrella…
2 – bushy dam lonavala sitting on the steps enjoying the flow of the water with rain having chai and vada pav
3- sitting in the listening to “music from the worl of osho “ watching the rain and beautiful scenery outside from the window…. Light drizzles touching and caressing my face from the window… perfect…
4- independence rock concert at rang bhavan… enjoying live music even though totally drenched in water…

N: the first drop trough an eye leads, falling on ur cheeks.. first u shiver n then u smile.. that’s a feel of rain..

R:ummm. Memories of school perhaps. a rainy day meant no classes and enjoying ourselves madly in the playground. :)

N:
hi...finally I’m writing a mail ...sweetheart u know how bad i am with all this...oks.. coming to the point...first rain huh?...
“first rain never seems to be that beautiful again as it does when one is 18-19 years of age...its like a feeling as if god himself is showering all his blessings on u...and trust me if one is already in love it becomes a memory for life.
my first rain has so many memories attached to it that even in my darkest moods it should make me smile...first rain reminds me of all the masti in my junior college days. spending times with friends at college parking discussing love problems at priyadarshani(p.d) discussing future plans..
life really didn’t seem to be the way it was planned but still when it rains those ties n bonds can never be forgotten...then again comes the first rain ...moving around the town on the bike...when we had no cars...n dreaming that we had one...!
now that we have everything in hand relationships didn’t last...but memories will always... there were times when we also cursed the rain as it would the biggest obstacle n barrier for loved ones to meet...gone were those days also.
then came the reality of life...now again rain reminds of those days when i was in the hospital…..in the ‘bone marrow’ transplant room..where i could only admire the rain through the glasses of the windows...for me that time going and enjoying those drops of rain and feeling them on my body had just remained a dream..never came true...days passed again and gone was that phrase also...on friday evening again when it was cloudy and it poured...i had mixed memories..i could feel that rain again...i could enjoy every moment of it...seeing the green shades all around was just another reason i feel and pray to live longer and longer...it makes me feel so happy...it just brushed up all the past 7-8 years of my life in a fraction of a second...i wanted to call up the world and shout n tell them..guys look at me...im back again...it was like a dream come true...it was an achievement...a victory....i just wanted to bend down n thank god for being so kind to me...things changed...life changed...i changed.,..but my memories with the rain will last forever...forever n forever!!!
too many rains more to see...every time to remind of golden moments spent..and yes of course to create some more beautiful memories......

journey begins.. to never end..

two things dancer must follow........ 

'take guidance from all possible sources and similarly learn to walk solo in order to create your own remarkable niche'
that’s something sir (guru. shri. snehal desai, vocalist) told me other day....... after my performance at ‘tilak smarak auditorium’ pune.
‘vishari mahila mandal’ is a group of almost 1400 jain ladies in pune. from many years, my mother wanted me to perform on annual function of this group. and every year i denied! ‘no, its not now!’ my answer would always disappoint her then.. i too was excited to begin my journey as a solo bharatnatyam dancer but then i chose to wait.
' though the perfection never ends, there is always a level of standard one wants to follow.. in any case.. in any circumstance!'
but then this year, i thought i should go about it! i thought i would be able to present myself as a bharatnatyam dancer. i thought i would be able to give a solo performance in front of 1000 people or more….. and more importantly i thought i would present a spectacular act! after all i am learning dance from someone who is so good, so authentic and amazing bharatnatyam dancer herself! my teacher, my inspiration: guru. gauri snehal desai. :)
so we immediately got down to decide on, which item i should perform? we both wanted something, which has a good combination of technique (footwork, hand gestures, movements which create aesthetic pleasure) and abhinaya (expressions)!
tai (aka-teacher) selected ‘ganesh vandana’!! shlokas recited in this ganesh vandana are from ganeshabhujangam by aadya shankaracharya.. i must say a very old composition, composed further and sung by sir in his melodious and charming voice!
i am always short of words to describe how beautifully tai choreographs each item! it’s something to see and learn and not just to write here and challenge your imagination. i began practicing and finished it quickly!
now there must be some barrier when you begin as a solo. isn’t it? i too had couple of them! just to mention a substantial one, the time when i had to perform and i was revising my things in wing, one lady from organizers committee turned up. she asked me, how long i am going to perform? guessing her intention, i said i have prepared for a song of 6:07 minutes and things have already been discussed. she said, oh that i don’t know anything …just finish it off in 3 minutes!!!! wt.............. now how i am suppose to do that? perform half the song? or do the rest half next year? does she think i can dance in some fast forward setting? why the hell i would even think of doing that? and why she wants me to do something like that? i composed myself immediately.. and replied as possibly as in humble tone, that either i will perform the full song or i will not! i need not to know your time limitations. she went to call some other superior lady to deal with me now. other one was the president of that group. obviously, i wasn’t ready to listen to their nonsense and the lady on the dais began with compere for my song!
i took my position in wing. quite irritated by this whole conversation, i closed my eyes on the first aalapi(music piece) so that i enter stage with happy face, as if nothing happened and i am all here to praise lord ganesha! i always feel sir’s melodious voice just helps to get the best out of you. his voice actually gives so much scope for natural expressions… i enjoyed myself next 6:07mins..
after my performance, anjali(my dance mate) was helping me out with ankle bells and we both were engrossed in my luggage. just then, those ladies caught me again! but this time it was for something else;)
first one said, ohhh that was fabulous!! bavuj saras performance hatu! (your performance was too good) since how long are you learning this dance? u know something, my grand daughter is performing kathak now. me and anjali were quite surprised now, that she isn’t getting late to see her grand daughter’s performance and was on and on chatting, until i reminded her! anyway such cute things are part and parcel before and after any show.
as a dancer..
i won’t say it was a very perfect performance that day :( i find so many flaws when i see video today :( “this i could have done better, that i could have expressed better.. this pose didn’t go well.. that footwork could have been stronger… and so on….
“ i will always be my own competition and self critic!” there is always something one feels missing and that’s why may be you never stop practicing.. isn’t it?
but then, the applause in between for almost 3 times says it clear that people liked it! and they are still whole-heart edly appreciating it :) i am so thankful to them.
many shows have come before this and many will come after this. but this one will always remain memorable to me in a different way…. a way through which i started this journey as a solo, wearing the same costume my teacher wore 14 years ago for her arangetram in the same auditorium!
just when i think today, its going to be the same auditorium, same number of people next year and i have to perform my solo’ arangetram’ .. it gives me goosebumps and many dreams about that ‘transformation’ into better dancer.. it fills all those voids i felt when i took a exit this time.
may be journey begins .. to never end ..!