journey begins.. to never end..

two things dancer must follow........ 

'take guidance from all possible sources and similarly learn to walk solo in order to create your own remarkable niche'
that’s something sir (guru. shri. snehal desai, vocalist) told me other day....... after my performance at ‘tilak smarak auditorium’ pune.
‘vishari mahila mandal’ is a group of almost 1400 jain ladies in pune. from many years, my mother wanted me to perform on annual function of this group. and every year i denied! ‘no, its not now!’ my answer would always disappoint her then.. i too was excited to begin my journey as a solo bharatnatyam dancer but then i chose to wait.
' though the perfection never ends, there is always a level of standard one wants to follow.. in any case.. in any circumstance!'
but then this year, i thought i should go about it! i thought i would be able to present myself as a bharatnatyam dancer. i thought i would be able to give a solo performance in front of 1000 people or more….. and more importantly i thought i would present a spectacular act! after all i am learning dance from someone who is so good, so authentic and amazing bharatnatyam dancer herself! my teacher, my inspiration: guru. gauri snehal desai. :)
so we immediately got down to decide on, which item i should perform? we both wanted something, which has a good combination of technique (footwork, hand gestures, movements which create aesthetic pleasure) and abhinaya (expressions)!
tai (aka-teacher) selected ‘ganesh vandana’!! shlokas recited in this ganesh vandana are from ganeshabhujangam by aadya shankaracharya.. i must say a very old composition, composed further and sung by sir in his melodious and charming voice!
i am always short of words to describe how beautifully tai choreographs each item! it’s something to see and learn and not just to write here and challenge your imagination. i began practicing and finished it quickly!
now there must be some barrier when you begin as a solo. isn’t it? i too had couple of them! just to mention a substantial one, the time when i had to perform and i was revising my things in wing, one lady from organizers committee turned up. she asked me, how long i am going to perform? guessing her intention, i said i have prepared for a song of 6:07 minutes and things have already been discussed. she said, oh that i don’t know anything …just finish it off in 3 minutes!!!! wt.............. now how i am suppose to do that? perform half the song? or do the rest half next year? does she think i can dance in some fast forward setting? why the hell i would even think of doing that? and why she wants me to do something like that? i composed myself immediately.. and replied as possibly as in humble tone, that either i will perform the full song or i will not! i need not to know your time limitations. she went to call some other superior lady to deal with me now. other one was the president of that group. obviously, i wasn’t ready to listen to their nonsense and the lady on the dais began with compere for my song!
i took my position in wing. quite irritated by this whole conversation, i closed my eyes on the first aalapi(music piece) so that i enter stage with happy face, as if nothing happened and i am all here to praise lord ganesha! i always feel sir’s melodious voice just helps to get the best out of you. his voice actually gives so much scope for natural expressions… i enjoyed myself next 6:07mins..
after my performance, anjali(my dance mate) was helping me out with ankle bells and we both were engrossed in my luggage. just then, those ladies caught me again! but this time it was for something else;)
first one said, ohhh that was fabulous!! bavuj saras performance hatu! (your performance was too good) since how long are you learning this dance? u know something, my grand daughter is performing kathak now. me and anjali were quite surprised now, that she isn’t getting late to see her grand daughter’s performance and was on and on chatting, until i reminded her! anyway such cute things are part and parcel before and after any show.
as a dancer..
i won’t say it was a very perfect performance that day :( i find so many flaws when i see video today :( “this i could have done better, that i could have expressed better.. this pose didn’t go well.. that footwork could have been stronger… and so on….
“ i will always be my own competition and self critic!” there is always something one feels missing and that’s why may be you never stop practicing.. isn’t it?
but then, the applause in between for almost 3 times says it clear that people liked it! and they are still whole-heart edly appreciating it :) i am so thankful to them.
many shows have come before this and many will come after this. but this one will always remain memorable to me in a different way…. a way through which i started this journey as a solo, wearing the same costume my teacher wore 14 years ago for her arangetram in the same auditorium!
just when i think today, its going to be the same auditorium, same number of people next year and i have to perform my solo’ arangetram’ .. it gives me goosebumps and many dreams about that ‘transformation’ into better dancer.. it fills all those voids i felt when i took a exit this time.
may be journey begins .. to never end ..!